I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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