I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My nipple is on Facebook.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
