I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
