we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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