Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
