whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
