My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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