This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Less talking, more tequila
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
