$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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