Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
