Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
