she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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