the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
