Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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