Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
