I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
