from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
