Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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