You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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