ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Still dying that you shit outside
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
