Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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