he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
