I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
