tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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