You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
