So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
