no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
