Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
