The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize