people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
