I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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