They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
