People in love make me want to vomit
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
