i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
