oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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