Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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