dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
