Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
