'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
