I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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