I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
