Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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