he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
