Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
