i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize