i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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