Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
