Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
