wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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