dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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