youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
