Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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