where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Randomize
