It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
