Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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