She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
