i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
