Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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