I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
