May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
