so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
