When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
