I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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