My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
