the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
