I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
