I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize