i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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