i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
