it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
