i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
