I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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