Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
