i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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