i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Sorry my hands just texted you
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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