I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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