i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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