You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
