I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
