I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
