I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
4 words: hood of his car
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
