Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
