lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
