Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
