Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
