She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
