Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
