we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
