We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
