she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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