My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I've blown a few things in my day
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
