U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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