I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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