Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
