You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
