So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
