mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
