The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
