I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
