So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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