dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
