imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
