He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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