Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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