I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
