You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
