Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
a search helicopter?!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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