she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
how drunk are you?
Several
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
