DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
