You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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