Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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