apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
