Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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