if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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