I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
